We often associate with success or even the attraction of a person with an image of strength, security, integrity or even rigidity, but the truth is that the foundations of personal magnetism are based on other values closer to flexibility, as described in his book ‘The 88 steps of happy people’ speaker and personal development expert Anxo Perez. The author admits that for years he himself had a wrong idea about attractive people, and that the study of behavior and his own experience led him to change it. Namely, he reveals that, in his opinion, the sentence that best describes this concept is: “I learned from the wind that the strongest trees are the weakest.”
Some people seem to have a natural talent for being attractive It doesn’t always have to be related to your physical appearance. This innate ability can make them able to attract attention and be the subject of comments wherever they go. But this usually happens on rare occasions. That is why what Anxo Pérez suggests is to identify what are the keys that increase a person’s magnetism in order to appreciate them, learn from them and, why not, work to enrich our magnetism.
Let doubt be in favor
How many times have you criticized a colleague, supplier or even your boss for doing something (or not doing it) without caring about the reasons that led to it? An expert in personal development assures that magnetic people turn accusations, anger and arguments into questions. In fact, as Anxo Pérez suggests, this type of person, instead of questioning, accusing or blaming, asks a question using magic expressions like “I don’t know if there was a mistake” to describe what was bothering them.
They use conciliatory language
Not only is it important to give the benefit of the doubt, but it’s also important to make sure we do it often value judgments about things and people. These subtle reproaches, which can be so tempting, and this mania for constantly questioning what others do or say, are not only debilitating attitudes, but are capable of destroying our personal magnetism. “How about adding phrases like: ‘I’m sure I didn’t explain myself well’, ‘What I asked for wasn’t done’, ‘Maybe I should have asked differently’, ‘I called you the other day, but you would be very employees’, ‘I’m sure there was a lot of traffic and you couldn’t have arrived sooner…’, he suggests.
It is not the intention that matters here (your comments can be full of bitterness, anger, complaints or criticism) or possible justification for the behavior of others. As Anxo Pérez explains, sarcastic comments are on the same level as irony or cruelty when it comes to magnetism: their value is zero. Sarcasm never increases magnetism. That’s why the expert invites us to turn this desire into sarcasm in order to try to connect with the other, and not attack him: “My grandmother used to say: ‘If you’re going to joke about me, and it’s so uncertain, say that I’m the ugliest woman in the world like the most beautiful lady in the world, choose the latter’. If it’s a joke, at least it’s a good feeling, not a bad one. Magnetic people prevail sincere complimentsand learn to say them to your face, with courage.
They don’t make others feel less
A person who makes others see that he has a social and economic position superior to the real one, or even superior to others, not only takes away attractiveness, but also contributes to impoverishment. picture of that person. According to Pérez, it’s common among megalomaniacs to believe that this way of acting gives them charisma, but in reality the opposite happens: trying to make others smaller robs you of value.
They avoid generalizing and judging
Saying sentences with a universal appeal may help expand the ego, but it does not feed magnetism, especially if the sentences would be more accurate if they were more specific to a particular moment or to a particular context. As the author explains, it is ideal, before making such statements, for a person to pause and consider whether what he is saying with pronounced vehemence is a personal preference or could indeed have a universal vocation. A simple formula for giving some character to an opinion is to start a sentence with the phrase “According to my experience…”. So, it is not the same to say: “Everyone should be sociable” but “in my experience it is positive to talk to people and learn from them”.
As for categorical sentences, when someone expresses an opinion about their favorite musical group as if it were a UN resolution, it usually causes more repulsion than attraction, according to Anxo Pérez. The key is that our tastes are… that, “ours” and the wealth or magnetism is found in shades. Therefore, if someone says, for example, that “Bruce Springsteen is the best musician in the world”, he makes a categorical statement that diminishes his magnetism, according to the expert. But if, having the same admiration for that musician, that person expresses it in another way by changing this thinking to «Bruce Springsteen may have been the best musician in the world at some point» his magnetism can be added.
They are expressed without reason to charge
If you use categorical phrases when expressing your opinion, you will reduce your magnetism. The expert urges us to understand the difference between these sentences: “Whenever you steal, you should go to jail” is not the same as “I believe that, in some cases, if you steal, you should go to jail.” In the last one, we will eliminate the value judgment and show that our opinion has the same validity as anyone else’s.
They come out of the ‘all or nothing’ game
Absolute words (such as ‘always’, ‘never’, ‘all’ or ‘nothing’, rigid sentences and harsh phrases do not make a person stronger or more attractive, according to Pérez. Authentic magnetism, as he points out in his books, lies in humility and flexibility. Thus, expressions that should appear in our vocabulary day by day are «maybe», «perhaps», «probably», «could be» or even «some people think that…” The fact that avoid absolute or rigid words It can help us improve personal and business relationships, but also improve our inner balance.
You can read all the chapters of his book ’88 Steps to Happy People’ here.